Total Weight Lost: 30 lbs.
note to self: kill yourself
TODAY IS THE DAY I go to bed in 10 minutes so I can wake up tomorrow at 9am and run five miles. But I do it because I want to, not because I have to. I've upped my cal intake to about 1400 but that number is shakey mainly because I've been eating food that has an unknown amount of calories. 1400 cals by estimation is my goal. I love running though but I also love being a woman and if I lose any more weight the likelyhood of that decreases by each pound under 120. SO MANY WEIGHT ISSUES. Kidding - really I love food, just in moderation. Anyhow I have changed so much this past year and it has been so exausting. Attending my last year of high school is looking less appealing as the date gets closer and closer. 9 days until that dreadful day. I have so much to do, yet so much empty time to be unhappy about school. Those assholes had to send our schedules. At least val is in my lunch and pat in my contemp global issues & modern asia class. Math should not be too awful either. isgdosdg I do not want to talk about school anymore. So over the past month I have realized that I am seventeen years old. By this time next year I will be going to college or taking a plane to god knows where and living my life like into the wild. If only. Or maybe stay in hostels and go backpacking through Europe. It is most likely that I will be going to college for a major I will not be happy working for later in life. I JUST WANT TO BE A BAKER. I want to bake pies, cupcakes, breads, tortes, cookies, and muffins with my love and hard work inside of each item. In reality being a baker is not like that though - and in all honesty I want to make a difference in the world. But I am pretty much an idealist/pessimist mixed into one person. HOW CAN THAT EVEN HAPPEN? I will continue on this thought later.
I have to go to sleep and basically wake up 5903 times during the night.
Melatonin!
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